Thursday, September 15, 2011

Lazy Susan... Break-ups & Breakdowns!

Every time I hear the song "Lazy Susan" by Sweet Thing (or Thang, funky monkey or whatever hah!) I think it was written for me haha! Not because I'm lazy or anything but because of the "Susan" "Suzie" similarity... Of course that makes me listen to the lyrics and see what applies.. Thing is, once I listened to those words a few times I decided they could/should apply to everybody! So here's what I think:

This may surprise you (or, more that likely, it won't at all...) but I've always been the dumpee... Yeh that's right, I said it... Loud and proud, baby, LOUD AND PROUD! Ok, well maybe not exactly. It's a strange thing really, this "being dumped" process... It makes you question yourself, lose confidence completely, "what's wrong with me?" "Why wasn't I good enough, what does he/she have that I don't?" And why is it that we never or at least do not soon enough think "what an idiot... He/she will never get any better than me! I'm FABULOUS!" and just move on, smiling? Not that you shouldn't be looking at the relationship and learning from what you've done to contribute to the break-up... Ask yourself what you would/should have done differently and what can do in the future to be a better partner and do those things, just don't depress yourself by spending too much time on it or by asking yourself those questions too early or by being too hard on yourself.

In my case, I've only actually had two what I would even come close to calling "serious relationships."  Both times the guy was more into me than I was him and, at first, both even had to convince me to give them a chance at all... Let's face it, no lasting love story actually begins with "Once upon a time, he had to convince me..." but somehow, whether it be the words they so smoothly spoke, the wishes and desires I tried to fulfill on my own time or my friends saying "but he's so sweet, and he really likes you!" I let my guard down.  And you know what? Both were actually pretty sweet, they both had their moments and for a short time I thought we could be happy... But it went from them convincing me to them dumping me once I opened up and let my guard down... And, let's face it, coming from a split home growing up that was a hard thing to process in any other way except "what did I do wrong? What's wrong with me that he didn't want me anymore?"

One of the people I dated I wouldn't have anything really bad to say (although I have my "cheating" suspicions) but the other, oh the other!  Ugh, I still get that "I'd like to slap you" feeling when I even think about it... Not really because of what he did at the time as much as what I didn't do... I didn't stand up for myself when he did and said horrible things like the day he kicked my rear end when I was bent over and said "look at that jelly shake!"  Girls, if he says those things to you hit his head and say "listen to that echo!" Or maybe it would be better if you didn't but GET OUT! He doesn't love you if he's disrespecting you (and guys, that goes in reverse as well, she doesn't love or deserve you if she doesn't show you respect.)  Even the times when I said "no" to what ever or I told him "I'm not comfortable with you talking to/about me like that" even  the famous "I don't want to" and he/she just doesn't listen or care.. Those things DO NOT mean he/she loves you so much he/she can't take no for an answer, can't stop talking that way or just plain can't stop: those things mean he/she just doesn't love you!  Not that I'm saying you should always get your own way out of someone that loves you but if it is seriously something of moral question, christian or ethic character, if you're truly uncomfortable they should listen and stop... More than that, they should take it into consideration on something they may need to change about themselves above just being your opinion.

And that leads me to "Lazy Susan" lyrics:

"Oh Susan don't lose your cool
But I'm leaving you on your own...
Yeah you got the world to see...
But you ain't coming too...
I'm all out of sympathy
When you come around you'll see that I'm gone
Who's gonna love you baby?
Who's gonna love you now?"

Listen, if you're leaving and have the nerve to say things like "Yeah you got the world to see... But you ain't comin' too.  I'm all out of sympathy when you come around you'll see that I'm gone. Who's gonna love you baby? Who's gonna love you now?" Susan better lose her cool a little and make sure you know you're a complete moron... Dumper, just because you're breaking up with someone doesn't mean you have to break them down with your rude and hurtful words... I know it makes it easier on you - if you're mean you can diminish your own emotions - but man (or woman) up and since you're causing hurt by calling it quits anyway don't make it worse with personal beat downs. Also, please remember a couple of lyrics to one of my all time favorite songs (because I relate to it) "Oh, see that skin? It's the same she's been standing in since the day she saw him walking away now she's left cleaning up the mess he made..." -John Mayer, Daughters. In a world with over a 50% divorce rate, a lot of us have had to deal with a parent leaving and whether we like to admit it or not, it does effect how we view relationships... And for the other 50% we've seen enough to make us question relationships and probably been walked out on by someone other than a parent so just make you walking out just as much about your own issues as about the dumpee. Thanks.

In a lot of cases, it's probably too much to ask that the bumper treats the dumpee with respect so here's what I have to say to the dumpee:

"Lazy Susan turn yourself around
Oh you're the queen of the living room
Sleep through the afternoon...
You're holding out at the starting line
You're just wasting time
Whoa oh it's not right
Lazy Susan turn yourself around"

I know break-ups suck (for lack of a better word) whether it be in a parents relationship, a love relationship, another family member, a friendship or any other break you would like to include... We need to learn from them.  But also allow yourself to heal from them! Don't be the "queen of the living room," don't "sleep through the afternoon" and absolutely no "holding out at [your] starting line!"  It's ok to be hurt, angry and confused for a second but don't wallow... Pick yourself up, remind yourself that while you may have things to learn and to change so does everyone else on the planet and you're still pretty darn fantastic on your own!  Because if you're not learning "you're just wasting time... it's not right!" So PLEASE LEARN, be honest enough with yourself to see your own mistakes and kind enough to yourself to remember that person who did walk out on you made mistakes too. "Lazy Susan, TURN YOURSELF AROUND!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You know I could have used this almost a year ago. It's true, just because you break up with someone doesn't mean you have to run them into the ground. A lesson I have learned the hard way for sure. Wish I could've taken back some of the things I said to the person. My true character was hidden by the venom in my words. People say words can't hurt people. I infact disagree. Words can distroy people when they are not strong enough to defend themselves. I've always been a firm believer that physical abuse is easier to deal with, bruises fade and disapper, mental abuse is hidden, it stays and lingers for years and can reappear at any momment if you have not had the chance to deal with it. It can folllow you around into every relationship without you even being aware of it which can posion a good relationship.