Thursday, March 29, 2012

Florida, Disappointments & Solitary

Hi all! I bet you've missed me these past two weeks, right?  Well I did miss writing but I was in Florida on vacation... Which I probably should have told you all earlier, like before I left, but I honestly had all intentions of writing while I was there! Unfortunately I was never in my room with time to myself until at least 11:00 and by then I was just too exhausted. And now I will stop making excuses for my neglect and just say I'm sorry... "I'm sorry."  Anyway, today I again forgot to have something all written up to post at lunch so I had to do it after work and that's why I'm later today... But hey, it's still blogthursday, right!? Right!

I unfortunately (again with that word) don't have anything brilliant to share and this blog isn't even on the spiritual, inspirational or enlightening side (I can hear the boos now! ha!) I've been faced with some conversation lately that has bothered me and I just wanted to share a couple of pieces with you all... And I would encourage you whether you're single or married to read to the end because even you married ones may gain a different perspective on this subject.

Earlier today one of my office's long time clients came in... The conversation quickly turned personal as it often does and he was relating a story about getting in trouble for giving an honest answer... Just one of those cases when he could have said something a little differently and gotten his point across without causing any harsh feelings but he had no clue he was about to become offensive by answering a question.  Now, he is a man and to some extent I give him a pass for not knowing because let's face it, men don't always understand the emotional side of conversation like us women do, ha! The rest of my story isn't about him, that conversation was just the convincing factor in deciding to go ahead and write this blog... Because maybe, if he didn't know he was being offensive because he didn't have a female point of view shared that's what is happening to some extent with the following:

While in Florida a familiar subject came up with my family... Why my cousin and I are still single.  My auntie (who I actually love, before you all go getting any ideas and try to get something stirred up! ha!) asked me if I was interested in a certain someone... The issue? When I said no and explained why, which really was more about what wasn't there for me than any problems I see with him, I was asked "Well, does he have a job? Is he nice? Is he a Christian?" Of course he is and I answered truthfully (looking back I could have just said no to any one of those and have avoided with the lecture... Note to self.) The lecture proceeded "Well, those are the requirements you know!" And before I continue I would like to address this thought with seriously? That's it, I can only have three requirements!? What if he's an sweaty, acne prone, haggle tooth, glutton!? Should I (and any other single person) look past all else except those three requirements!? I don't think so. Now, on with the lecture... "You need to lower those standards and settle down! Just go on a date, try it, give him a chance whether you think you like him or not!" (may not be the exact quote... But close.) Here's my thoughts on the second part: I am of the personal opinion there is someone for everyone and just because I have certain requirements doesn't mean my cousin has the same, maybe she would be deeply in love with someone I wouldn't even consider or vice versa... Then is it really fair of me to "settle" for "good enough" or should I reject the possibility so he has the chance to find someone else who would actually feel honored to have such a partner? I mean, personally, I would never want a man to "settle" for me, I want someone who thinks he's "married up" and I'm a prize, I want to adore someone and I want him to adore me... Now that being said before you marrieds get all up in arms, I do realize love grows over time and I don't expect necessarily to find love at first sight but there should a little something to begin with. I never have and don't want to just go out with someone because I'm asked... If you can do that congratulations, I had a friend who would always just say "GO! It's a free meal!" and I wish I could adopt that attitude at points but I cannot! I feel like I'm accepting a gift under false pretenses. I can't just "give him a chance" because he's asked for one, it's not fair to me or him if I just go for the sake of going... There has to be a reason or interest or at the very least curiosity before I can go.

Thankfully I had my cousin and an aunt and uncle who could see my point of view and helped me through that conversation but I still have something left to say... And this is the part you marrieds need to pay attention to.  I know you're just trying to figure out a way to help me find a husband when you ask "why aren't you married yet!?" or ask "why don't you just go out with him, you may end up liking him?" or say "when is yours" when you see me at a wedding... I get it and I'll even be polite and maybe funny when you do ask me these questions but what I really want to say is "JUST STOP ASKING ME! I DON'T KNOW!" not because I'm angry with you for your concern but because I don't know and I wonder the same things, that guy you think I should give a chance to is a great guy and I wish I could like him but I don't and as far as when... When I get my crystal ball repaired I'll let ya know! But seriously, I love that you think I deserve a good man, because I do, but instead of asking those questions just support me and tell me how great I am or even keep an eye out for a new guy to introduce me to! ha! Better than all of that just pray for me.

And what I also want to admit to, this is the part EVERYONE needs to pay attention to... I don't necessarily "like" being single but I am "comfortable" being single. Yes, of course I want to find love but I will not force love. I want to find the one not the perfect one but perfect for me... You know, my soul mate... And yes I believe God makes them for us! So all you married people please don't pity me, I'm okay for now but pray for me because I do desire a mate in my future. And all you singles like me who can't settle... Don't worry about it! Be okay with it! Be picky! Not overly picky or scared but don't give up on everything you want and proceed with caution... "Follow your heart but take your brain with you!" - unknown as tweeted by lovequotes Power to the single people! haha!
You know I love you all and truthfully I probably just needed to vent... But I hope you've all taken something away from this you can apply in your own life and/or relationships.

And last but not least a music video my friend shared with me because it reminds her of me... I would like to share with you :o)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Building a Bridge & Leaving a Legacy

I've been thinking in depth on this subject for a while now... Something that has always bothered me, a simple thought that somehow seems to escape the majority. I've heard lots of sayings similar to "you get more flies with honey than with vinegar" or "treat others as you want to be treated" and even that the most important of all the Bible commandments is "Love God with all your heart, soul & mind" and that the second most important is like it "Love other people in the same way you love yourself, favor them, be kind..." (Suzie-K paraphrase Matthew 22:35-39 & Mark 12:28-31)
I heard a story about a university student long ago who I believe was an exchange student. There was a girl in her class who went out of her way to make her feel at home so to speak, befriending her and just being kind. Once a relationship was formed the exchange student came to church and gave her life to Jesus. When she was asked what happened to her she said her friend built a bridge to her heart through her kindness and friendship and one day she crossed that bridge and found Jesus on the other side.
Think with me for just a moment, can you learn from someone who makes you feel stupid? Of course not, if someone is making you feel stupid you will not believe they are actually trying to help you and whether they are correct or not your mind automatically shuts the door to their influence. You may be capable of learning quickly and you may even have the desire to learn but if the knowledge is not being presented in a kind manner you will not accept the help.
Another thing to think about are some of your good life changing moments... The people you remember fondly... Why did those moments change you and what is it you remember those people for? I would venture a guess that most, if not all, your answers revolve around kindness. Some of my most treasured memories are of simple things really, people just taking a couple of minutes out of life to ask howw my life is, to send me a note or to just tell me they may not understand what I'm going through but they will pray with me through it... Those people who just believed in me and encouraged me... And those people became the most influencial people in my life. Knowing that, I would be crazy not to strive to be that person to someone else.
So, here's my point: simple as it is, kindness and love are keys. I think the reason God said loving people is so important is because without that kind of love for others you cannot make an impact on anyone's life for God. Jesus knew and was trying to teach us love and kindness are the only keys that will open the door of influence. If you are not kind and loving to the people around you a relationship will never be built. And if you're not building a relationship with people you have no influence over them which means you will never be able to build that bridge toward God. Our job is to build bridges of relationship, love and kindness and it's their choice to cross it and find relationship with God. If we do not build on kindness and love there is no way for those people to get across the divide. If you want to help people you MUST do it out of love, kindness and compassion not pride, harshness and judgement. Be kind, encourage, believe in someone, pass a note along, take a couple of minutes away from your self-absorbed life and give them to someone else.
Unfortunately love and kindness cannot be faked, at least not well... And trying to fake it only hinders others so please, please don't try. We've all been around those people who faine kindness when we know their hearts are black, it's easy to tell... But if you are having a problem loving people or just one person even, take some time, recognize it instead of denying it. Admit it to yourself and God and decide if that's something you're proud of yourself for... I'm sure it's not. I've been there, some people are just hard to love, for me at least haha! But the thing about it is, I want to be kind and loving no matter what and I want that kindness and love to be sincere. There's only one way to get that, go to the God of love... Ask God to help you love people, see them like he does even when they are at their worst and ask Him to give you a compassionate heart. I've prayed that prayer for many years now, it's something I will likely never stop praying over myself. I don't want to lose my sensitivity to others and there are areas I still lack it in that I need to work on. All in all, if you ask God to change your heart take out the dark, cold and judgemental areas He will and He will love that you finally "get it" and more than that, you "want it."
So, go on, build a bridge with kindness and watch the influence you gain in bringing that person closer to God!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

I Want it That Way!

Oooh Backstreet Boys, you were the loves of my pathetic junior high life... Especially you AJ haha! Not that I'm ashamed, because clearly I'm not, haha! Always did have a thing for the rough ones for some reason... Always wanting to take in stray, ugly, lost, hurt animals too... Guess I'm one of those "fixers" you hear about, ha!  Anyway, that's a little off topic to what I've decided to write about today. Just the "I want it that way" phrase is important... Because

I was having coffee with some friends Sunday and the topic of "coming to the brink" came up... You know what I'm talking about, that whole situation where you are "coming to the brink" of a decision that has to be made and you really have no direction of choice whatsoever! Or that essay that's "coming to the brink" of being due in about five hours, it's 4:47 am and you still haven't even written more than a paragraph!?  But even more seriously you think "I want it that way" but when you're actually "coming to the brink" of getting it that way only to realize you don't "want it that way" at all..? 

I've had those kind of situations happen frequently in life... I hope that doesn't mean something horrible about me or my ability to make good choices! ha!  Here's the thing, it actually happened to me this week! I needed out of a situation actually, I was just fed up with everything about it including the people involved so I wanted out... I took steps to make that happen and quite a while after I thought it should have happened already it did... I was given an opportunity to get out.  I thought I wanted out of this situation "at any cost" and the offer was actually better than I had expected, I wouldn't really be losing anything... But when it came down to it, I realized I would be gaining what I've been saying I wanted but giving up on some things I'm really used to and quite frankly enjoy.  So then what was I supposed to do!? What I thought I wanted in an "out at any cost" situation was not really what I needed at all... I needed to take steps to fix the situation I was in not run in another direction without any thought of what would happen to the people associated...  It all worked out in the end and I've stayed in the situation I was in before and am actually building on what I've already worked for... Which, in this case, is much better for me in the end.

Why have I told you all this without giving you any real detail of what the situation entailed?  Because you don't need to know... The situation, decision, opportunity doesn't matter at all.. What matters is that you know the only key to making sure you make the right decision, face any situation correctly and take the opportunities you're meant to have. 

Here's the secret: PRAYER!  God knows what's best for us even when we don't... I prayed about my situation the whole way through, first that I would get a way out, then that I wouldn't so I wouldn't have to make any scary steps on my own then that the right decision would be clear for me to make... See, I don't think God is much for "OK dear, this is the direction you should go and this is the decision you should make on March 15, 2012 when Sally Sue asks you the question!" He is our father and He knows what stage of development we should be at in any given time of our lives... Unfortunately, that means he's not always going to tell you "hey, if you stick your finger in the socket you're going to get a shock!" but like any parent, if you ask for His opinion, advice and/or help He most definitely will make it clear to you... Sometimes He will require you to face a situation you're afraid of to make sure you realize He's there with you, you're never alone and you can get through it, you're stronger than you think you are... Sometimes He will require you to make your own decisions instead of closing a door and removing the decision from your control... Sometimes He will allow an opportunity to come your way that you've always thought you wanted only to show you that's not what is best or what you really want at all... But ALL THE TIME He loves you, He will be with you, He will help you and if you ask a question and pay attention to the answer you will be getting closer to your destiny every day.