Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons – I know this seems like a contradiction to the previous "stop" but it's not, you can't hold yourself back worrying you're not ready but you also can't rush into something you can't handle... Listen, I get it, I know you don't want to be alone, neither do I. But when I look at myself a year ago when I thought I was ready for a relationship and would make the perfect little wifey I realize I wasn't even close... God had so much changes for me to go through, so many things I needed to realize and even more I had to either accept or change instead of internally complaining about. Relationships must be chosen wisely, even if it's just friends humans are creatures of influence... Even leaders are influenced by the people around them. When people move forward with actions that surprise us and we think "that's not like them!" it's probably not like them, but it's like the company they keep and now it is becoming like them. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company because when you keep bad company you eventually become bad company.
Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work – If I made you a list of why I shouldn't trust people the entire earth would run out of paper, okay, maybe not quite that long but it is lengthy... The thing is, just because my dad left my mum when she was trying her best doesn't mean I'm going to be left... Just because every guy I've been in relationship with thus far cheated doesn't mean the next one will... All those experiences are meant for in life are lessons. Bad relationship experiences teach us to make wiser decisions, teach us to forgive... not only the person who walked out or hurt us but to forgive ourselves... And if you allow yourself to see it, failed relationships even when we were trying our best sometimes teach us that it's not always about us... Sometimes the guy was just a jerk, and sometimes he's not a jerk he just wasn't ready and we tried to make him ready in our minds. In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, all are meant to somehow bring out the best & strongest parts in you. I heard a quote on Dr. Phil the other day that I LOVE "Relationship rejection is God's protection." So just accept it for what it is and move forward.
Stop trying to compete against everyone else – You're meant to be one thing and one thing only... And if you keep dragging yourself down and bending over backwards comparing yourself to others you will never be what you are destined to become! Do you even know what it is yet? I can tell you but first let me say if you don't know what you're about to read next, you've been comparing yourself and competing with others too much... STOP! You are meant to be yourself. I know, deep right? Well it sort of is, and that little lesson was hard for me to learn but it's changed my life... I always wanted to be like my sister, I wanted to dress like her, sing like her, act and talk like her... But the thing is, when I was practicing being like my sister I wasn't being myself... And if I'm not being myself then the people who are meant to be with me won't be attracted to me and I will be in a world created by me where I don't fit in. So BE YOURSELF, whoever that is and if you don't know who it is yet, that's okay too just be the parts of yourself you know to be and the rest will follow!
Stop being jealous of others – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Bobby down the street may have a nicer house, better looking spouse and a car you would almost die to have but Bobby also has higher bills than you that no family really can afford, that great looking spouse is actually sneaking over to Allison's house when no one is looking and the to-die-for car is in the repair shop at least twice a month. Remember you may be faced with your own flaws and disappointments everyday and never truly see the "real story" behind the one you're comparing yourself to. Society has learned to paste on a smile and brag about quantity of possession instead of owning their emotion and working for quality of life. A good quote to remember is what I want to end with (see below)... We must get this business of self on the go this year. So that's what my "new year's resolution" will be... Nothing specific but to better myself. Who's with me?
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness – It's not really "happiness" you should be after anyway... It's joy. See, happiness is circumstantial but joy comes from the inside and is stable through any situation in life. If you’re okay with who you are on the inside, you won’t be able to find joy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. So work on yourself first! What is it that prevents you from loving yourself? Is it something that would stop you from loving someone else? If so, change it! If not, give yourself the same grace you would give to anyone else and be okay with some of those little quirks. The best support and teacher of "self love" I've ever had is the Bible. God's word... Once you see God's love for you written on pages thousands of years ago reach through time and touch your heart, even though it's impossible to understand why God loves us sometimes it's also impossible to deny that love... And if he loves us in spite then we need to accept and love ourselves in spite. You must create stability in your own life before you can share it with someone else, if you don't want an unstable soul coming into your life then be a stable soul before you enter into the life of someone else.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Stop overlooking the beauty of small – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. We get so overwhelmed and busy at times we forget to notice the masterpiece of a sunset God just finished painting in the sky to remind you of his love or the way a loved one looks past the frazzled hair and tires eyes into the soul of who you are... Don't miss any of it. Just take time to appreciate the sparkle in some one's eye when they look at you, look up at that sunset and see God's love and compassion, you'll be surprised how much better you will feel! The best portion of your life will be in the small, nameless moments you spend appreciating.
Stop trying to make things perfect – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things actually keep trying. Furthermore, nothing is ever perfect... But sometimes the imperfections come together in a way that makes us gasp for breath at the beauty before us.
Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. It's okay to admit you're wrong... It's definitely okay to apologize to someone! You don’t always have to pretend to be strong or right and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. Cry if you need to, it’s healthier to leak some tears that to pack it all up inside and eventually explode in anger. The sooner you take a minute to be "not okay," the sooner you will be okay again.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Stop berating yourself for old mistakes – This is definitely easier said than done... Partially because we have little to no control over some thoughts of old mistakes passing through our minds. What we do have complete power over is how we respond to the thought of a past failure... Sometimes it's good for those thoughts to come, it can be a reminder of the lesson learned. Just tell yourself I've learned, I'm getting better, progressing and I may have loves the wrong person and cry about the wrong things but those past mistakes are helping me find the person and things that are right for me... If nothing else it has taught me what not to do and what I don't want. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past but you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Those mistakes and struggles are what has shaped you into the caring, compassionate and beautiful person you are now. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life has and is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come. Expect amazing things!
Stop trying to buy happiness – I have to say, raised in a "poor" home for much of my life, this one hasn't really been a huge problem for me but I've seen it in lives of those around me. I put quotes around poor because if you think you are poor please, save whatever money you do have and take a trip to a third world country... Your opinion of poor will be changed. Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions. Think about it... If you had a choice: lose everything you've purchased or lose the people you love, all humor around you and your passion which would you choose? Obviously the purchases... So then stop looking at those things are needs when they are only added benefits, spend more time on what's really important!
Stop being scared to make a mistake – Listen, I'm a singer, I sing every week on a stage... Usually to a minimum of 300 people in an audience and upwards to almost 3000... I've fallen down the stairs off the stage, mistakenly thrown a prop off the stage into the audience and had to wait for it to be returned to me, hit flat and sharp notes, forgotten the words to the song, run off stage crying when there were musical errors that screwed the song up so bad we had to stop (I was pretty young for that one.) lost the cord out of the end of my microphone halfway through a song and not really noticed for a few lyrics... picked it up plugged it in and kept going haha! But I still do it every week, I still get on stage, I still dance around and I still sing! Failure doesn't lie in making mistakes but in not learning from them and trying again! Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it and every failure- as long as you keep moving and learning afterward - is just another step leading you toward success.
Stop trying to be someone you’re not – One of the greatest challenges in life is just being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. God designed you the way you are for a reason, even those things you see as imperfections... So maybe you're not the funniest and are a little slow on the uptake at times, it could just be purposed for you to have one serious conversation in your lifetime that will actually save someone in a time of sadness... Let's face it, I may be funny but a suicidal person wouldn't need me to crack a joke as much as would need you to care, sympathize and talk them through the moment. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger but they will never be you and all in all, you're just fine! It's the accepting yourself in order to be yourself that can be difficult... I've already written at least three blogs in 2011 on this subject matter... Planned from the Beginning, Flava Flave and Not the Prettiest. Don’t change so people will like you because if they only like you for who you pretend to be, well then, they don't really like you at all, do they? Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.