Saturday was an exceptionally good day... My mother called me out of bed at about nine in the morning wanting to go to the USA shopping, I rushed to get ready but she still managed to be in the driveway honking the horn for about 10 minutes while I ran up and down my stairs grabbing all the items I forgot the time before... Dog in tow, under my arm, I reached into the closet, grabbed my boots and pulled them on as fast as I could hop and zipping all the while... After an initial cross word about always being late we turned the Christmas music on and were on our way! The shopping was great, although instead of the Christmas shopping I had intended, I bought for myself. Ha! People were so nice to me all day, a lady told me I needed a cart because I had an arm load of sweaters and then brought one to me, I was called in at the boarder to pay duty but the man in the office refused to charge me, people I didn't even know talked to me and were so nice! When we finally came home I rushed in the house with the groceries, changed my skirt, put my boots and coat back on and rushed out to Christmas music practice and a prayer meeting... After about an hour of singing on stage, with an audience of about 100 I looked down to pull up what seemed to be my now slouching boot and realized I had one brown, square toe, 3/4 calf-length boot and one black, pointed toe, 1/2 calf-length boot.. I had been walking around ALL DAY with miss-matched boots!! No wonder people were so kind, they were thinking "poor dear needs help!" Funny, I know, at least until the 25th comment about managing to get matching shoes on I received the next day.
Sunday I was having one of those ever so famous "I hate everything about myself" kind of days... I tried on somewhere around 5 outfits before I finally settled for one, couldn't get my hair to co-operate and was half an hour late for church in the morning... I had a friend over which meant she was also late... We sat near the back of the church since the pastor had already started his message when we graced the doors. After sitting there for about half the preaching I realized I hadn’t pulled my button and tag off my new, sheer sweater I was wearing... The tag was silver and about 2"x2" square and since my hair was up it was clearly visible to everyone sitting behind me. My friend just patted my knee and advised that I may as well just give up on the weekend...
Today I decided to watch... You guessed it, "The Ugly Truth" and it got me thinking... Maybe it's my emotions from the weekend talking but is it true? Is the truth always ugly? Seriously, I don't know how many times I've had someone tell me the truth about any given situation and I hated to hear it! So is it true, is truth always ugly? Although I wouldn't necessarily recommend the movie, I may be inclined to believe a lot of the instruction it gives on relationships to be true... In the end (this will spoil the movie for you so don't finish reading this post if you are not willing to know the end before the... well, end :o)) the instructor, so to speak, fell in love with the woman he was helping with relationships and they ended up together.. It's always nice to see that but sometimes I feel like I have been feeding my mind with all the great love stories in Disney books and movies, romance novels (although I have only read about 2 myself, I am not unaware of the break down of most widely read novels), who can forget "Gone with the Wind" or "Pride and Prejudice"... Are those kind of stories true or is the truth actually ugly like it was in my parents divorce, ”Becoming Jane" (Jane Austin's actual life story which ended nothing like her hopelessly perfect literary endings), "Romeo and Juliet" or "Wuthering Heights"? Even the crucifixion is an ugly truth of the savior I happen to serve unapologetically dying in agony and shame... And if truth is ugly then what is there to hold onto?
Hereafter I state my case: True stories like one I heard on Oprah years ago... A German man and woman who fell in love just before the Nazi's invaded their little town... They would ride their bicycles together, or go for long walks talking about their future; never anything extravagant but apparently filled with love. While under Nazi control they, of course, were separated and sent to different concentration camps. When the invasion came to an end they franticly searched for each other but to no avail... Eventually they each accepted the death of the other, both married and moved on, had families and lived their separate lives holding only the memory in their heart. Somehow, years later, they found out each other were still living. Their respective spouses had passed away and they decided to meet, got married shortly after and lived the rest of their days making up for time lost. Stories of people like Jack and Kathy (the Assistant Pastors at my church), when they met Kathy was uninterested to say the least but now, after years of falling in love daily, are so in love you can actually see it in their eyes every time the other enters a room. Lastly, the "ugly" crucifixion is where the beauty of salvation, miracles and true love really comes from.
So maybe the truth is always ugly, at least in the beginning... Maybe we need the ugly moments to be able to recognize beauty at all... If everything was always great wouldn't it all just become average and dull? So... My weekend was pretty much one embarrassment or sadness after another and today was not a day I will remember, but when I went out for a walk with my pup tonight I looked up at the stars so many people rarely take the time to notice and they were beautiful and soothing to me... Maybe I have been emotional and not feeling as positive as I would like about life in general but maybe that's exactly what I needed; life has been coasting right along for me lately and it started feeling average when I really should be feeling blessed for everything that has happened in my life this year. Maybe I'm not always confident with regards to my single status (or even talking about the lack of confidence in that status in this blog); there are days when I don't even feel pretty let alone beautiful... But maybe that's all so I will appreciate my future spouse enough to support him, work on our marriage with him and make sure he knows he is respected and loved always in our household... Maybe it's just an answer to prayer that I will be able to recognize true love when it comes my way...
"It's always darkest just before the dawn", there is nothing quite like the beauty of a new day and maybe that's because we compare it to the emptiness of the dark. So... I'm excited, even though it sometimes seems ugly; the truth is exactly what I want... True love, true relationship with God, true joy and true appreciation for all the wonderful things in life... The ugly truth is, some days are hard, a lot of relationships do not work out, and yes Jesus was crucified but that all means I'll know when I have a great day, one relationship just around the corner will work out (and that will be the only one I need to work out) and every one of my sins (and your's) can be forgiven, we are healed because Jesus was crucified and rose again!
1 comment:
This is very good !
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