"You Were Always on my Mind" (Willie Nelson quote for a title, niiiice!)

I had one of those nights last night!!  You know, the ones where you want to sleep but you mind is racing and you just can't make it stop... Counting sheep, deep breathing, hot bath, nothing works!! 


I was thinking of a friend I had in junior high (or middle school as it's now labeled.)  His name is Jeff.  I had heard he was in the hospital a while back and was going to visit but thought he might think it strange considering we have only seen each other in passing a few times since our junior high days..  And I'm not so sure it was even him every time because he has a twin and I was too embarrassed to ask which one was saying "hi" to me!  ha!  I did ask his brother about him a couple of times and he suggested I e-mail, but how would that seem any less strange to him?


I couldn't blame Jeff if he did think me strange, I'm quite sure he didn't realize I thought of him as one of my best friends back then...  He did hang out with me after school and during summer break quite a bit, we went to all the lunch time "sock hops" at our small school, we talked on the phone some, he always seemed to stick-up for me if I needed it and he did often walk me home (I lived in a rather rough neighborhood) I'm not sure he did it to make me feel safe because he knew I was scared or if I just got lucky there but whatever his reasons it was good enough for me, still, I'm not sure if I ranked as high on his list of friends as he did on mine (I'm quite sure I made the list though haha!)  We had a lot of good laughs and conversations. My mum liked Jeff as well, she used to say he was a "sweet boy" but wished he would stop "getting himself into messes"...  Mum didn't mind us being together and so we were, a lot.


I remember him getting into quite a bit of trouble at school, or at least that was the rumor flying around... I do remember seeing a fight Jeff was involved in just off the school's property; and for me, that was enough proof to believe the trouble I heard he had been in.  I do remember a telephone conversation that made me question how "rough" he really was however; he was baking a cake (or so he told me) and his little brother was acting out, jumping around and made the cake fall in the middle...  He was quite upset and from what I had imagined a "rough and tumble" person to be, they wouldn't be baking a cake or know that it was possible for it to fall in the middle because of a jumping little brother much less be upset about it.  Every time I think of that story it makes me smile.


Some people thought of our friendship as awkward; I was, after all, the "goody too shoes" and he was one of the "bad boys."  There were rumors started about "us" as well (by people who were supposed to be my friends but that's junior high) none were true, I actually had a crush on his brother at the time, we were just friends.  I'm not sure what it was that made us "get" each other but there was definitely some sort of connection that made it so easy to be friends.


I've thought about Jeff so much through the years... It's not the first night I've had trouble sleeping because I was wondering how he is doing and it will not likely be the last.  Every once in a while there will be a picture on facebook or a note about someone seeing him and that tells me he's living but other than that I really have no idea...  And I just keep thinking about how much our friendship means to me and how I feel he made my life (if only for a couple of years) better and how I need to thank him pay him back with in kind but he doesn't even know...  Sad.


I always hear about people having a "burden" for their friends and it usually makes me feel like a horrible person... I pray for a burden, but I don't really have the slightest clue how it comes about or what it feels like.  And somehow if I am the person I should be than I should have a "burden" for people!  I know this seems like it has nothing to do with my sad recount of a lost friend but I had a realization last night as I lay in my sleepless bedroom thinking about someone I haven't talked to in ages...  I care deeply about what happens to him, I want the best for him, I would do anything within my own power to help him out in any way I can and that is a burden.  A burden is caring and wondering enough about a person that it makes you want to do something to reconnect and see if you can make life better for them.  It's being a friend to people and making yourself available to them.  It's doing what you can for someone and when you're not able to do something tangible it's praying for and caring about them... It's waiting to hear a good report, and more than that, it's about helping them obtain a good report.  We don't all have money to give, we don't live close enough to everyone we would like to pour out time and efforts into, we don't always have the words to speak into someone's heart that could turn their situation and life around and sometimes when we try to touch someone's soul they pull away with anger or fear... But we all have a burden we just make the definition more complicated than it really is and don't realize it's there.


So, now that you've read this you're probably thinking about the person or people who keep you awake later than usual with thoughts and wonderings about where they are, how they are, if there is anything you could do for them and time you could spend on them...  I implore you to take a step in their direction because there is a reason they are on your mind...  Sometimes we think we aren't changing any lives or touching situations around us to make life better, but maybe it's because we are not aware of the places and people we are given a burden to touch.  Now you are aware, do something about it.