I miss you!

I heard something that surprised me the other day... I was at my church kneeling in a seat talking to God... Not saying anything spectacular, just asking to be with Him and sit just for a while... I didn't really have anything to say to Him, no petition to bring for His approval, no great requests for Him to fulfil. Tears were streaming down my face and there was a sense of urgency in that moment, what could almost be described as desperation gripped me as I poured out my love for Him. I kept thinking "all I have to pour out to you is love; you poured out your own blood for me!" Earlier in the week I was listening to a radio show and it was explained that prayer is when we talk to God; whereas, meditation is when we listen for God to talk to us. I made it known I was listening for his words although he need not speak but just allow me to feel he was with me in the same way you can be in a room with a true friend and say nothing but just feel good because they are there. Then the surprise came... He spoke... "I miss you." My response followed something like "OK, Hold on a minute... WHAT!!?? You miss me? Have You forgotten who You are? Lord of all creation, Holy, Strong, All Mighty, First and Last, Never failing, Never changing God... And You expect me to believe that You miss me? Plus, we have spoken in passing lately, any spare moment I am aware of I take to whisper a couple of words your way... How can you miss someone you are already in contact with? How can You miss me? I've missed Your presence, Your touch, Your closeness; but You have everything, what could you feel you're missing?" Then, I just pressed my face into the floor and cried for a while until I think I figured it out (at least a bit). I was in contact with Him, I did speak to Him quickly before sleep found me at night but like it would be in any relationship, that is not quite enough to sustain and surely not to nurture anything. He wants and deserves at least as much from me I would give to any other kind of relationship. I wouldn't live in a house with someone and only speak to them in passing, forget they are sitting next to me and completely ignore them most of the time... So how can I say I love God and treat Him like He's not worth the time it takes to build any relationship? Though I desire to take my hair down and wash his feet like the woman in the Bible (John 11:2 & Luke 7:38), it's not really a physical option. I do desire to have been the last person at the cross and the first to the empty grave on Resurrection day but I can't go back in time. I dream of pressing my face to His chest and while hearing the heartbeat of God say "I love you" like John did (John 13:23) but, again, cannot. "So how do I build a relationship with someone who in many ways is not tangible, who I cannot touch, physically hear or see? ? What is it God would desire from me? What can I give to God? " Then, the obvious answer: I am made in His image (Genesis 6:9), because I take my joy from knowing Him, He has given me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4)... Taking from that, when I need to feel His arms of comfort and safety maybe He needs to feel my hand of trust; when I long to see His miracles on display perhaps He desires to see my commitment to our relationship through worship and lifestyle; when I desire to be close enough to hear His heartbeat maybe He is waiting for me to get close enough to someone who doesn't know Him or someone who needs help so I can share the what the heartbeat I hear... My way of touching Him in the quiet moments begins first with touching the hearts of people all around me whether by words, a helping hand, a friendship or a coffee on a cold day (if you've seen "Pay it Forward" apply the principles in that movie here.) He does miss me, not because He needs relationship with me but because he desires it. Not to prove His love, I think the cross was enough for that. Not because I don't speak to Him on a daily basis (I do). Through my lack luster attempts to touch the heart of my neighbors, co-workers, school friends and family members who all need love ("what the world needs now is love, sweet love, it's the only thing that there's just too little of") I haven't really been showing him much of my commitment to them and that's how I show my commitment to Him. If I really want to spend time with Him in private I need to spend time with Him in reaching out to people... Sort of like you know a relationship isn't true when the guy (or girl) only treats you well in private and pretty much ignores you in public. If I do show Him my desire for His closeness through my touch of compassion on the people around me, when I wash their feet, be last to leave them in their time of need, loneliness, seeming defeat and fear, and first to congratulate their successes (even when I'm not seeing my own success and I'm a little jealous), when I care enough to listen to their heartbeat I am really doing those things for Him and He is, only then, free to expose His true self to and through me.