I Miss Our Time ("I miss you" rewrite)

Last night at Bible Study we watched a video from 1991... And the outfits! The hair! Sorry, getting off track already! ha!  The video was Because of The Times in Alexandria Louisiana, USA and the speaker was Mickey Mangun. Side note: I love this woman, I mean, so nice, down to earth and her singing is amazing but not because of her voice (which is awesome on its own) but because of the anointing she carries!  I've never heard her speak other than just a couple of announcements or what have you, until last night.. And honestly, my life was changed! She is one of the best speakers I think I have ever heard and the best part, she was so honest and transparent!  Her words and song reminded me of a post I had written a long time ago and although I will never be able to share the thoughts in the raw way Mickey Mangun did, I hope my words will impact you.

"Earlier in the week I was listening to a radio show and it was explained that prayer is when we talk to God; whereas, meditation is when we listen for God to talk to us. 

Later in the week I was at my church kneeling in a seat talking to God... Not saying anything spectacular, just asking to be with Him and sit at His feet, just for a while... I didn't really have anything to say to Him, no petition to bring for His approval, no great requests for Him to fulfil. I kept thinking "all I have to pour out to you is love; you poured out your own blood for me!" I made it known I was listening for His words although He need not speak. I just longed to feel He was with me in the same way you can be in a room with a friend and say nothing but just feel good because they are with you.

He spoke... "I miss you." My response followed something like "OK, Hold on a minute... WHAT!!?? You miss me? Have You forgotten who You are? Lord of all creation, Holy, Strong, All Mighty, First and Last, Never failing, Never changing God... And You expect me to believe that You miss me? Plus, we have spoken in passing lately, any spare moment I am aware of I whisper a couple of words your way... How can you miss someone you are already in contact with? How can You miss me? I've missed Your presence, Your touch, Your closeness; but You have everything, what could you feel you're missing?" I pressed my face into the floor and cried for a while, until I think I figured it out (at least partially). I was in contact with Him, I did speak to Him quickly before sleep found me at night but like it would be with any relationship, that is not quite enough to sustain and surely not to nurture anything. He wants and deserves at least as much from me I would give to any other kind of relationship. I wouldn't live in a house with someone and only speak to them in passing, forget they are sitting next to me and completely ignore them most of the time... So how can I say I love God and treat Him like He's not worth the time it takes to build any relationship?

He does miss me, not because He needs relationship with me but because he desires it. Not to prove His love, I think the cross was enough for that. Not because I don't speak to Him on a daily basis (I do). If I really want to spend time reaching out to people I must spend time with Him in private... Sort of like you know a relationship isn't true when the guy (or girl) only treats you well in private and pretty much ignores you in public. Though I desire to take my hair down and wash his feet like the woman in the Bible (John 11:2 & Luke 7:38), it's not really a physical option. I do desire to have been the last person at the cross and the first to the empty grave on Resurrection day but I can't go back in time. I dream of pressing my face to His chest and while hearing the heartbeat of God say "I love you" like John did (John 13:23) but I cannot. What is it God would desire from me? What can I give to God?"

The thing that was so inspiring about Mickey Mangun's words was the paradigm shift in thinking... It's not about me wanting to spend time with Him but He wants to spend time with me! I've always thought prayer was for my benefit, but it's not only for me, it's for His benefit as well. He calls us like He called Adam in the evening, He wanted to be with Adam and He wants to be with us.  Last night as I was pondering these thoughts from the video I heard Him again... This time it was a question "What do you think Adam and I talked about?" You see, I was wondering what I would say that would be of any interest to Him, if I'm going to spend this time I don't want Him to get sick of me, I don't want to be forever asking for things... So I thought about what Adam would say and these are the thoughts impressed upon me:  Adam had need of nothing, his surroundings were perfect, there were no bad feelings, no sad circumstances, no needs... So there would be no requests.  Adam wasn't called necessarily to "talk" at all but to "walk..." I'm sure there were shared thoughts about a beautiful flower or the melody of a songbird along the path but many strides were surely taken in silent companionship, many strides in listening to the voice of God rather than Adam's own, many strides in complete satisfaction of just being together... And now, He asks you to "come walk with me in the cool of the evening..."