Don't be so Touchy!

Another Monday and I had no idea what to write...  So I went to ole faithful Twitter and looked at some quotes.  While reading I was reminded of a life lesson quite difficult for me to learn but now that I have I think I'll share :o)

My parents split when I was nine (as you frequent readers already know) and since that time I've been a very defensive person... I was so touchy, almost waiting for a reason to defend myself... Getting others before they got me so to speak...  I trusted no one. Dr. Phil has a saying about "if you have a sunburn the slightest touch causes reaction." and that's exactly what happened to me You've probably noticed I used present tense in that first sentence, it's because I am still defensive at my core but I have learned how to control it for the most part... See the thing about defending yourself is that it closes the door to anyone else needing to defend you... And what if there is someone else who could better defend you in the first place? I mean, in court you wouldn't want to self defend if you had no idea of applicable case law or the justice system in general when you could have a lawyer who's never lost a case and been practicing for years defending you... It just wouldn't make sense, right?  But it's so hard to keep those lips closed when someone is knowingly or not lying about you and jeopardizing your character! The thing is, if we keep our lips closed it gives God a chance to be our defender... So just try it, you'll be surprised by what God will do on your behalf!

One thing that helps me, when I want nothing more than to make sure everyone knows how wrong another has been about me, is being reminded about what I think in a situation where someone is speaking negatively about another... How I make decisions and feel when in those situations... I never believe anything if I have no personal opinion formed previously, my mind is never made up about someone based on what someone else says or thinks.... So why is it so hard for me to trust others to do the same? But more than not passing judgement based on the opinion of another; when someone is speaking negatively I tend to lean toward judging the speaker not the subject... Whether I have personal experience with the subject or not I usually think negative words directed at another say more about the speaker. I found a quote today that maybe explains why I feel this way.... Motive.  Most times I've found people speak negatively about others to promote their own interests. But "No one has ever made himself great by showing how small someone else is." - Irvin Himmel as tweeted by Inspire Us 

I'm not sure why we haven't learned the lesson yet but when you are speaking negatively it poisons your own reputation... Especially if you speak negatively frequently.  So get wise, be positive... Most importantly take a look at your motives, if there is something you're after try to find another way to get it! As my boss would say "you get more flies with honey than with vinegar." Nothing good can come from putting others down if.

If you aren't trying to "get" anything, maybe you're negative about others to make yourself feel better about who you are or about who you're not?  Those flaws you see everyday in the mirror seem a little smaller if you're comparing them to the flaws of others... Here's the thing, none of us are perfect.  I have just as many flaws as you and you have just as many as your neighbor...  One of your flaws may seem smaller than one of mine in the same area but what about the others?  "You're imperfect. Get over it, love yourself anyway." - Joseph Ranseth  As you learn to love yourself in spite of your flaws you will learn to respect yourself... Part of respecting yourself is not speaking negatively about others... Once you love and respect yourself you'll be able to see the good in others, see their potential and love them in spite of their flaws. 

So all in all I guess what I'm saying is there are a few reasons a lot of us are defensive... Because we learn through experience we need to defend ourselves or we are afraid others won't come to our defence or because it makes our own flaws seem smaller and last but not least, to promote ourselves... Either way it's not a good idea to be so defensive. We need to allow God to be our defender and to do the promoting he does a better job anyway. And we also must learn to love ourselves so we can love others, and loving others is what we are made for!