Hello Fear

Oh my goodness, to be honest I had no idea what to write today, just that I wanted to try and keep my "Monday & Thursday" promise... If this turns out to be a mess of a blog please forgive me, it's just what's been on my mind a bit lately but I only decided to write this last night and I usually give it more time.  Of course the title is inspired by one of my favorites Kirk Franklin and is the title of his newest CD which you should get if you don't have! Here goes:

I know a lot of my readers (and I love you all!) don't know me personally so allow me to explain something about myself and this blog :o)  I've gone through some junk in life (not as much as some and more than others) but I recognize that I have "gone through" and am not living in my past... I know some people get their thoughts stuck in a bad experience and can't move forward but I am not that girl and I hope if you're stuck you will sort through the pain and move on because you deserve to give yourself that permission and confidence.

The thing about the past is, even though it's the past it changes who you are... And in many ways I love the way I've changed.  I think hard times make you more compassionate and understanding toward others. Hurt feelings make you more aware of how you treat others.  Unmet expectations allow you to release the people around you from any of your expectations they couldn't possibly meet and make you realize life can be great without all of your expectations being met... But also, the past can make you overly cautious.

And there it is, my dilemma...  There are things I've wanted out of life that I have stopped progress with... Things I felt I should do but I let fear of reoccurring results stop me... People I wanted to help, befriend and love that I held back from... All those things are the negative points, these are the things that make me sad.  Basically, I know a lot of you feel this way or have at some point and I wanted to share something with you that has helped me get away from the halted progression, stops and hold backs... And surprisingly, it's not getting rid of fear completely, it's learning you don't have to listen to it... I think we assume fear means something is wrong or we aren't supposed to pursue a particular avenue when in fact it could and often does mean the exact opposite.

I met someone recently who reinforced my thoughts on this issue; partially because of the kind of life he lives... You know, cliff jumping moving and living all over Europe, para-gliding (at least I think that's what it was), scuba diving, snow boarding (and I know half of you are thinking "that's no big" but once you've seen me ski you would understand haha!) and much more I'm sure! But more than his free-spirited/uninhibited lifestyle, last night he was teaching me a lesson without either of us realizing what was happening (does it make me a nerd that I can turn pretty much anything into a life lesson? ha!) Nothing "big" happened but this person was telling a story about playing sports, getting hit in the adams-apple and not being able to really sing since... One comment lead to another and someone else in the room said "sing something right now!" I sing, not professional quality or anything but I would still label myself as a singer and even with that label I would have a hard time singing in a group of people without music but he didn't think twice and just belted (rather quietly) a line of a song (it wasn't horrible by the way.) I was shocked and proud all at the same time! haha!  In those few seconds my lesson was reinforced: you don't have to feel overly confident with yourself in a certain area to try, you can be scared or embarrassed but you can still move forward, just because something didn't turn out so well once before in your life or in the life of someone you looked up to doesn't mean in a different time the result will be the same disappointment.

I know it's hard, trust me, and I am not sure that lesson will ever be completely learned or if we all have to remember it over and over... But I am sure we shouldn't hold back or let fear of disappointment or opinion stop us from moving forward on any count.  Here are quotes that also help me:
"You were brought THROUGH that moment & brought TO this moment for a reason. THIS IS YOUR SEASON!" - TheSingleWoman via twitter.
"Just cause the past rattles its chains doesn't mean u have to let it rattle YOU! That was then - this is NOW" -TheSingleWoman.
And my personal favorite "Courage is not the absence of fear, it s inspiring others to move beyond it." -Nelson Mandela