New Year, New Me - Part 5

Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness – It's not really "happiness" you should be after anyway... It's joy. See, happiness is circumstantial but joy comes from the inside and is stable through any situation in life. If you’re okay with who you are on the inside, you won’t be able to find joy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. So work on yourself first! What is it that prevents you from loving yourself? Is it something that would stop you from loving someone else? If so, change it! If not, give yourself the same grace you would give to anyone else and be okay with some of those little quirks. The best support and teacher of "self love" I've ever had is the Bible. God's word... Once you see God's love for you written on pages thousands of years ago reach through time and touch your heart, even though it's impossible to understand why God loves us sometimes it's also impossible to deny that love... And if he loves us in spite then we need to accept and love ourselves in spite. You must create stability in your own life before you can share it with someone else, if you don't want an unstable soul coming into your life then be a stable soul before you enter into the life of someone else.

Stop holding grudges – This is huge as far as I'm concerned... One thing we need to remember is that holding a grudge does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR US! That bad feeling every time you hear a name, see someone or a thought of them crosses your mind can eat you up inside! That grudge distracts you from all good! More importantly, that grudge does nothing to the other person... That person will go on living life as usual, happily, never giving you another thought while you grow bitter and cold.  Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than people could ever hurt you. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay” but “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my joy forever. I'm going to move forward and be okay in spite of what you did to me, maybe even because of it.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember forgiveness is not just for other people, forgive yourself for whatever it is that keeps you from sleeping at night, move on and do better next time.  Most importantly, holding a grudge is huge to God... He just can't have it because he knows what it does to you, the people in your life that you make pay for the mistakes of others and what it does to your trust in Him... How can you make God believe you trust and believe Him when you can't even allow Him to deal with the hurt someone else has caused you... Grudges ultimately separate you from God because they damage your faith and trust in Him and God is not a silent partner, if you don't allow Him to work on your behalf He will get the hint that you "don't need Him" and walk away to let you do it on your own, which - by the way - you cannot. 

Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others – This is a hard one for all of us who want to make everyone proud, have everyone like us and have people approve of our decisions... But we have to get over the opinions of others just as much as we have to accept ourselves and be confident in who we are... You can like yourself all you want and still be frozen in place by concern of what others will think. I know you've heard "you can't please everyone" a hundred times by now and so have I but for one minute just realize the truth in that statement and accept that even if you're mother Teresa in deed and the Lord in meekness there will always be some back-biter that will try to take you down. Jesus said "So don’t be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if the world hates you." 1st John 3:13 NLT. and "If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first" John 15:18 NLT. In my humble opinion, Jesus was pretty great... I mean really, who wouldn't want a friend who could turn water into wine, make enough to eat for 5000 guests out of groceries for one (hello grocery bill savings!), cause any storm to stop in it's tracks, heal any disease that entered your body and even raise you from dead if necessary? Still, people not only were not proud to know him (even his best friend denied knowing who he was) they didn't like him, disapproved of his choices and hated him to the point of death. So if everyone around Jesus didn't like him, not everyone around you will like you but be a good person in spite of them and let God deal with the rest.

Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself – Listen, every person on this planet has a hard-knocks story to tell... We have all been taken advantage of, hurt, discarded, disregarded and disrespected.... That's part of life, so get over yourself, you're no better than the rest of us and that means you get to deal with the same junk we all do. Life’s curve balls are thrown for a reason: to shift our path in a better direction. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens and things will get tough. But reflect back on negative situations thrown at you and see the lessons you've already learned. Eventually you will see that negative people and circumstance become stepping stoned leading you to a better place, to become a better and stronger person, into a clearer state of mind and someday to your destiny. Besides that, God just happens to think brokenness is beautiful! "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18 NIV "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3 NIV