Hi all! I bet you've missed me these past two weeks, right? Well I did miss writing but I was in Florida on vacation... Which I probably should have told you all earlier, like before I left, but I honestly had all intentions of writing while I was there! Unfortunately I was never in my room with time to myself until at least 11:00 and by then I was just too exhausted. And now I will stop making excuses for my neglect and just say I'm sorry... "I'm sorry." Anyway, today I again forgot to have something all written up to post at lunch so I had to do it after work and that's why I'm later today... But hey, it's still blogthursday, right!? Right!
I unfortunately (again with that word) don't have anything brilliant to share and this blog isn't even on the spiritual, inspirational or enlightening side (I can hear the boos now! ha!) I've been faced with some conversation lately that has bothered me and I just wanted to share a couple of pieces with you all... And I would encourage you whether you're single or married to read to the end because even you married ones may gain a different perspective on this subject.
Earlier today one of my office's long time clients came in... The conversation quickly turned personal as it often does and he was relating a story about getting in trouble for giving an honest answer... Just one of those cases when he could have said something a little differently and gotten his point across without causing any harsh feelings but he had no clue he was about to become offensive by answering a question. Now, he is a man and to some extent I give him a pass for not knowing because let's face it, men don't always understand the emotional side of conversation like us women do, ha! The rest of my story isn't about him, that conversation was just the convincing factor in deciding to go ahead and write this blog... Because maybe, if he didn't know he was being offensive because he didn't have a female point of view shared that's what is happening to some extent with the following:
While in Florida a familiar subject came up with my family... Why my cousin and I are still single. My auntie (who I actually love, before you all go getting any ideas and try to get something stirred up! ha!) asked me if I was interested in a certain someone... The issue? When I said no and explained why, which really was more about what wasn't there for me than any problems I see with him, I was asked "Well, does he have a job? Is he nice? Is he a Christian?" Of course he is and I answered truthfully (looking back I could have just said no to any one of those and have avoided with the lecture... Note to self.) The lecture proceeded "Well, those are the requirements you know!" And before I continue I would like to address this thought with seriously? That's it, I can only have three requirements!? What if he's an sweaty, acne prone, haggle tooth, glutton!? Should I (and any other single person) look past all else except those three requirements!? I don't think so. Now, on with the lecture... "You need to lower those standards and settle down! Just go on a date, try it, give him a chance whether you think you like him or not!" (may not be the exact quote... But close.) Here's my thoughts on the second part: I am of the personal opinion there is someone for everyone and just because I have certain requirements doesn't mean my cousin has the same, maybe she would be deeply in love with someone I wouldn't even consider or vice versa... Then is it really fair of me to "settle" for "good enough" or should I reject the possibility so he has the chance to find someone else who would actually feel honored to have such a partner? I mean, personally, I would never want a man to "settle" for me, I want someone who thinks he's "married up" and I'm a prize, I want to adore someone and I want him to adore me... Now that being said before you marrieds get all up in arms, I do realize love grows over time and I don't expect necessarily to find love at first sight but there should a little something to begin with. I never have and don't want to just go out with someone because I'm asked... If you can do that congratulations, I had a friend who would always just say "GO! It's a free meal!" and I wish I could adopt that attitude at points but I cannot! I feel like I'm accepting a gift under false pretenses. I can't just "give him a chance" because he's asked for one, it's not fair to me or him if I just go for the sake of going... There has to be a reason or interest or at the very least curiosity before I can go.
Thankfully I had my cousin and an aunt and uncle who could see my point of view and helped me through that conversation but I still have something left to say... And this is the part you marrieds need to pay attention to. I know you're just trying to figure out a way to help me find a husband when you ask "why aren't you married yet!?" or ask "why don't you just go out with him, you may end up liking him?" or say "when is yours" when you see me at a wedding... I get it and I'll even be polite and maybe funny when you do ask me these questions but what I really want to say is "JUST STOP ASKING ME! I DON'T KNOW!" not because I'm angry with you for your concern but because I don't know and I wonder the same things, that guy you think I should give a chance to is a great guy and I wish I could like him but I don't and as far as when... When I get my crystal ball repaired I'll let ya know! But seriously, I love that you think I deserve a good man, because I do, but instead of asking those questions just support me and tell me how great I am or even keep an eye out for a new guy to introduce me to! ha! Better than all of that just pray for me.
And what I also want to admit to, this is the part EVERYONE needs to pay attention to... I don't necessarily "like" being single but I am "comfortable" being single. Yes, of course I want to find love but I will not force love. I want to find the one not the perfect one but perfect for me... You know, my soul mate... And yes I believe God makes them for us! So all you married people please don't pity me, I'm okay for now but pray for me because I do desire a mate in my future. And all you singles like me who can't settle... Don't worry about it! Be okay with it! Be picky! Not overly picky or scared but don't give up on everything you want and proceed with caution... "Follow your heart but take your brain with you!" - unknown as tweeted by lovequotes Power to the single people! haha!
You know I love you all and truthfully I probably just needed to vent... But I hope you've all taken something away from this you can apply in your own life and/or relationships.
And last but not least a music video my friend shared with me because it reminds her of me... I would like to share with you :o)