Sandpaper Packages

Hi honeys! Sorry I was absent last week... I was actually out of the Country and trying to process some news I received last week which I may write about sometime but not today.  Today I have something I consider to be a very important lesson in my own life and hopefully you will think so too!

Did your parents ever tell you "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?" If not, you should have at the very least heard Thumper quote his mama in Bambi, right? If not, well... Pretend haha!  The thing is I think we usually apply this to talking about others not necessarily speaking to others. Remember, when you're speaking with people, even if you are instructing or disagreeing it's important to be kind... I mean really, if someone is being a condescending or abrasive jerk who's going to take that advice? Not I. And if you're giving advice to a friend but you are putting them down to do it, you might want to rethink that strategy, not only are they unlikely to accept you advice but you're most likely going to find yourself in a position of them waiting to accept an apology from you.

If you're on the other end of that "someone offended me, not with what was said but how they said it" stick you're in good company... Well, my company at least ;o)  This is a big one for me, I find myself having to fight away hard feelings even when a friend is giving advice for my good if they don't do it in a pleasant manner.  Luckily, even when I'm a little miffed with the tone I can usually at some point accept the message. The thing is, I sometimes have a hard time letting go of the miffed part. But, the truth is, I don't always say things in the manner others prefer. Shocker! Sometimes I don't even realize my tone may not be, shall we say, pleasing until it's too late and even if I do I'm unlikely to acknowledge it mid-critique. So, I need my friends to cut me some slack every once in a while, the thing is there is this other saying I seem to vaguely recall... Something about, "you get what you give" so, sometimes to my chagrin I have to get over it on my own and choose not to continue give into that feeling.

The thing is, we all need to continually change our minds sometimes and sometimes the message to change comes in a sandpaper package... It is uncomfortable, it can hurt and it's rough but that doesn't mean it's invalid. So what are we to do? Well, try to wrap your own messages in something a bit smoother than the saved sandpaper packages you've received, don't diminish the truth just wrap it in care.  But we also need to learn that sometimes once we get past the sandpaper there is a treasure of help inside. If you're like me, you will respond only to the sandpaper aspect initially, and that's okay, people sometimes need to know when they are being abrasive in presentation, it's not called "constructive criticism" unless people can receive help... But you will also think about the words spoken when you pillow your head and at that point I admonish you to consider the motive beyond the wrapping, see if you can get something out of it for yourself, see if you can learn and grow.  It sounds a little selfish and maybe it is, but you must learn how to accept a lesson and ignore the pain.

I've had many people, even friends, present me with their opinion of what I should change about me and I've disliked it more frequently than not, I think. Through all of those awkward and sometimes heated exchanges though, somehow I've been able to still see it is an exchange... I can get benefit out of it if I will accept it. The person sharing their unsolicited opinion may only be getting to share their bad attitude but we can learn and we are the ones who will gain from those types of situations. So do it, find your benefit, the seed of growth to become who you are meant to be and walk away just a little bit better than before!