So many people have been asking, prodding, requesting, encouraging me to write again... I have been, not as often, and not publishing here, but I have been writing in a journal some; and still with all of you in mind, thinking at some point I may rewrite and publish? Truthfully, as I write this, I am not entirely sure if or when I will post it... As you know, I write partly because it helps me figure out whatever I've been through in life, whether recent or not, whether I thought I had it figured out previously or not... So, I've decided to start to "set things write" in my life again.
I keep running into some of the same quotes and scriptures and somehow I believe when that happens it's because you are supposed to get (and usually share with others) a message from it... Yesterday was Valentine's Day... As my readers know, NOT my favourite Holiday and yesterday wasn't really an exception. It wasn't an over-all bad day, it just didn't end well for me, a family member and I had a major disagreement, and I'm just not into conflict, DEFINITELY not into going to sleep angry or upset, and we did. But in spite of my feelings about V-Day and all it doesn't mean and in spite of my disagreement with family, in spite of hurt and pain and a life that seems to have been set on fire and burned to the ground, I keep seeing this and thinking on it...
It's true you know, no matter what you go through... Three things always remain, even if we think not, even if they fade to a vapor for a while, they still remain...
FAITH, God. I get angry with Him. I doubt Him sometimes. I wonder where He is and why He doesn't see or if He does see things then why hasn't He done something. I cry to Him. I growl Him for not doing things my way. I question His promises... I know, I know, we are taught ALL of these things are wrong, and they probably are; BUT they are also just part of being a HUMAN. We are flesh, blood, dust and vapor... The same Word that says be strong, don't fear, don't doubt, also says that He remembers we are dust... Faith remains.
HOPE. Sometimes I actually get frustrated with myself for hoping... I mean, I don't hope for better every day. My hopes change, sometimes I have high hopes and sometimes I just hope to be okay. Hope ebbs and flows. Hope can burn bright or smolder beneath the ash of all your dreams. Much like a forest fire, you can thing Hope is finished and you will never see a flame again, but it's only deep in the ground, still there, the flame will rise. Hope remains.
LOVE. The thing about Love is you don't get to choose... I know, long term love is a choice... But at it's base, you just love who you love, it can happen in an instant over gradually over time without you even noticing... But however you arrive at loving someone, once you do, it just does not go away. Love can carry you through anything, sometimes it's a nagging voice in the back of your mind when you're finally going to make a selfish decision but that voice says "what about them? Is it what's best for them? Will they hurt because of it? You love them, you can sacrifice one more time for their sake." Sometimes love is forced to be silent and hidden because it's been rejected or disapproved of or you just "know" you can't love the same way any longer because it's not good for you, but it's still there. Much anger and hurt can be present, take divorce as an example, but whether we are able to admit it or not, love is still present as well. Nothing can kill love, not really, even when we are so hurt we say we hate another, we know, if they are in trouble that love will come alive and force us to help. No matter what happens, in some way, somehow, love never leaves, never truly dies. Love remains.
I've had faith for a lot of things that have yet to happen. I've had hopes dashed into pieces so small they are unrecognizable. I've had so many "bad things" happen that I forget there was ever any good. People have hurt me to the point where I refuse them entrance into my life again... To the point I've hated them. But after all of that... Actually, even through all of that, I know, I've learned to admit and not to just admit but to appreciate that at some minuscule level, FAITH, HOPE and LOVE remain... Even when I don't want them to be there, those three things, are there. Even when I can't pray any more, even when it seems the hope my future is so dark I can't see to take another step, even when I'm too weak to do anything else, I'm never too weak for love. We've been taught how important it is (no matter your religious background or any other background) to have faith, positive mindset, believe in yourself, whatever you've called it, it's all faith and we are all taught it is very powerful... Isn't it crazy to think that LOVE is more important, more powerful, greater in every way? More than faith, more than hope, we need and are capable of love. Through anything in life that does or doesn't throw our way, we still love and that is the most powerful force on Earth. Love suffers long. Love is kind. Love is not proud. Love bears all things. Love hopes all things. Love endures all things. Love NEVER fails. Even when faith and everything else around and in us fails and hopes are dashed, it's okay, because LOVE is BETTER, it's STRONGER, it's GREATER.
