Dark Like Mine

One day this year (I honestly cannot even remember the season) I was having one of those days!  The day was so rotten I felt like crumbling on the floor and crying my heart out!  Like any good woman I decided to go shopping! ha!  Not for a skirt, no, never a skirt on a sad day; that could quickly lead to a meltdown if it's one of those shopping trips where nothing fits... I thought I might pick up a new shirt (usually don't even have to try them on) or scarf or shoes, just something pretty that maybe could help me feel like my day was not a complete write off...


Driving through the tears I decided on Urban Planet for my mini-shop. My reasons: 1. It's cheap. 2. I like a lot of their styles.  3. They have Shoes, clothes, accessories, random items like Ipod covers or lip gloss, etc. 4. I had a credit note!  How could anything go wrong from here!?  Well let me tell you...


The people walking in front of me held the door as I walked through but I barely noticed their kindness and didn't even thank them (which, is not like me).  About 2 steps into the store I was greeted with a smile and a "welcome" from a male sales rep. (actually, I think he may be assistant manager). I basically grunted out a "hi" not even looking up... I just wanted to be left alone, I felt I could burst into tears or hit someone at any moment and I didn't want to do either in public.  The representative didn't let my poorly toned answer bother him, instead he asked if he could help with anything and told me about the latest promotion product to which I replied "no, I like to shop alone."  That time I did look up, I could tell he was a little taken back by my apparent "hate-on" but he just said "OK, well, if there is anything I can do..." I didn't even wait for him to finish the sentence before walking away.


I was looking around and finding nothing... I couldn't seem to get away from people, every time I thought I was alone someone would reach into the rack I was looking at and push the clothes toward me so I could no longer see the shirt I had been pondering (which, by the way, is my pet peeve even when I'm in a good mood).  All I could think about was my reaction to the friendly sales person at the door... I kept seeing him just a rack away and thinking "ugh, I'm such a jerk!"  There were a few reasons I felt bad: 1.  "Treat others the way you want to be treated" was a sentence in my household on a weekly basis.  2. I'm supposed to be Christian and my reaction/attitude were anything but Christ-like!  3. It's simply not like me to take a bad day out on a complete stranger or anyone for that matter.  4.  I am a girl and that guy is definitely a cutie!  5. (last but not least) I knew God wasn't very happy with me and he was definitely working on my conscience... There was actually an internal argument over an apology that I didn't want to make: my excuses ranged everywhere from "I don't know him," "he can deal with it, I'm sure there's been worse" to a whiny "I should be allowed one bad day a year, I don't want to apologize!"  


I went to the cash with a couple of shirts to purchase and made a deal in my mind that if he came and waited on me I would give my "sorry I'm an idiot" speech... He was nowhere to be seen, a girl cashed me out, bagged my goodies and I was on my way out and off the hook!  Nice!  Except, I wasn't really off the hook at all, by the time I walked out the door I was ready for a serious meltdown I knew I had made some one's day dark like mine... 


Back into the store I went, bag and all...  I held the door open for the same people who had held it for me on the way in but didn't even give it a second thought, I was on a mission!  I looked all over that store, including the fitting rooms and didn't see the man anywhere!  Feeling completely defeated and pretty much worthless I decided not being able to ease my conscience via an apology would have to be my punishment for being so rude. 


When I reached the door I spotted him! Hallelujah! I walked over and as quickly as possible I stumbled out a "Hi, I know I was rude earlier and I wanted to make sure you knew that's not acceptable action coming from me and I am sorry."  He replied with a cordial "Oh, no, it's no problem, we all have those kind of days" and forced a worried smile.  I just couldn't leave it there, I continued "no, you don't understand, I did have a horrible day but that's no excuse!  I am not usually that kind of person and I hate that I acted that way even for a minute... Not to mention, I'm supposed to be a Christian and Christians definitely shouldn't act that way. Anyway, I'm really sorry and I hope the rest of your night is better!"  The look on his face changed, he was back to a smile, he stuck his hand out and said "I'm           "  (I forget his name).  I introduced myself then he proceeded to ask me about my day and say he is sure it will get better from that point on... He actually seemed to care about my bad day and his kind words, once again, brought tears to the surface but for a different reason, a better one, he was kind even when I couldn't have been more abrasive.  The last thing he said to me was "I've never had anyone apologize for anything like that before... You're not a mean person at all!  Thanks and have a better night!" 


When I see him now there is some small talk but I feel silly every moment of the conversation, really I'm sure he remembers me and thinks something along the lines of "Oh, thank the Lord, she didn't drive her car off the bridge that night!" In truth it's probably not like that for him at all but it's how I imagine it. 


Everything happens for a reason and there's a lesson in every situation, a moral to the story; so, what is it?  We all make mistakes (Christian or not) we all have moments we, our friends, families nor God are proud of... It's the human condition, we are inevitably going to continue in error, all of us but it's also the human condition to be forgiving when someone is sincere about making a mends so we can all change our bad days and moments into a lesson and healing... When I walked out of the store that day, I actually felt better! Nothing about my day had changed, no one thing had been fixed but someone I hadn't known an hour before actually cared about my circumstance and thought the act of apology made me a better person... He was right I'm better for having that experience!  So, my advice: let God turn your bad moments, actions, decisions and days into something good for you!


"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good..." Genesis 50:20


"Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day." from P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


"Any man may easily do harm, but not every man can do good to another." -Plato