I always think/pray about how I want to be closer to God... How I want to eventually be so involved that I lose myself in him. Eventually I want people to look at me walking in the mall, sitting in Starbucks or running the errands at work and say there goes God's girl. I want my description to start with "you know the woman that speaks the words you think God would say to you" or "the woman who seems to look at you like Jesus would, the one who always loves and sees something good in everyone and everything" something along those lines. I want God to be so familiar with my presence that he begins to call me by a nickname... Something equivalent to when my friends say "Miss. Q" to get my attention or a husband says "the wife" when he's talking to his buddies or a child says "my mom."
The problem is, I keep coming up with the same process of getting to that place... I'm a romantic so I am always looking for that aspect in every relationship... I'm all about keeping the romance fresh and alive in any relationship (and not just husband/wife or girl/boyfriend kind... Friendships, yes, I try to surprise friends with sweet notes or supper on me etc. to make sure they know I appreciate them... I even get coffee for my boss in the mornings because all in all he's pretty decent to me) and God seems to have this crazy idea that the wooing stage was completed on his part when he gave everything he could on the Cross of my sins. He still does sweet things and surprises me answering little prayers I've only thought of and not yet spoken but he doesn't always pursue me. To be completely honest that bugs me at times, then I remember how indebted I am to him and how he's proven his love in measures I will never catch up to let alone surpass. So let's face it, the ball's in my court (and yours as well).
The answer to my "I want to be closer to you" quest always presents itself along the lines of "Put in the time" or "you already know how to be closer you just don't want to do it." Those answers make me uncomfortable... They make me feel lazy and I don't believe I am, however thinking about proving it kind of gets my back up a bit. In today's society we (and I) have been taught we don't need to prove anything to anyone, if it feels good do it, tollerance and acceptance, you don't have to work for love it's a gift... While parts of these philosophies are correct they have lead us so far that we forget to work in a marriage, friendship, we've become so consumed with others accepting our point-of-view that we forget acceptance and agreement on an issue are two separate things. The truth is, we do have to "work" for a marriage and/or friendship to be successful, we have to communicate with each other, consider the other's opinion and feelings, we must be faithful, etc. It's good that people can tolerate different lifestyles enough to treat everyone equally (do unto others as you would have it done to you) but they should also understand everyone doesn't have to agree with the lifestyle to love the person who chooses it... Everything is a two-way street; we all have to "work" toward strengthening a relationship for it to be strong.
I want people to see me as being God's... In the same family... I want the God who lives on the inside to show on the outside through my actions, speech, walk, talk, every part of who I am... And as taboo as it has become to admit, I want the power associated with that God. For people to view me as "God's woman" (a.k.a "Godly woman" for all you spiritual types reading this ha!) I have to spend time with Him... So much so that I start to say some of the current phrases always on the tip of his tongue (key word being current... I need a current relationship with Him so He can tell me what's on his mind about today... And I am in no way saying the Bible is not current, just the opposite, I need to read it every day so he can make His word new!) Enough that I don't spend hours creeping on Facebook because I don't want to be rude to the person in the room with me (being God,) talking to me. I should be around Him enough to know how He moves, how He's going to finish His next sentence, what makes Him smile or the things I do that annoy Him (yes I do think God is annoyed at times. He did, after all turn a few tables over when people trampled his house with goats to sell and disrespect on their tongues.)
I suppose I'm just sharing all this to confirm your own dreaded thoughts. You can do this just as well as I can, we're just hoping there is an easier way... And there's not. A relationship with God is like any other in that we need to "work" on it too... The good news is the hard part is over, He's taken care of the risk, He told us he loves us first and all we have to do is respond. The not so good news is, we've hurt him time and time again and will continue to do so because "that's just human nature" but the Bible says "he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" if we "confess" (1 John 1:9) so we already have a guarantee of a relationship as long as we are striving (a.k.a working or putting in the time) for it...
So I challenge you to work on it... Try... Strive... It's all about spending time with God, "getting to know him." Ask him questions, just talk to him (that's what praying is... You start out with the general and expected small talk but it grows into deep and meaningful conversation/communication as you continue building a relationship every day), read the Bible, just be with Him... Whatever you're doing know He's there just say "hi" or "I'm thinking about you" once in a while... Maybe the problem is that it's so simple, but God is interested in all that! I love it when I get a random text from a friend saying "thinking about you" or "just wanted to say hi" and He loves it when we do those little things for Him! As small as the steps may be, take them with me! Accept the challenge, give it a while (sometimes it takes more time than we prefer) and I promise it will be worth it!
P.S. I have set up comments here so I have to approve them before they are published... Let me know that you're accepting the challenge and I'll not even publish it if you would prefer I don't! If you have questions about it ask and I'll get back to you!
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